LIGHTENING STRIPES




Life is a funny old thing, it moves along at lightning speed and if you're not careful great big chunks of it have passed you by and all you have to show for it; an ass print in the couch from the multitude of Netflix binges and possibly a bit of a headache. Where does the headache come from you ask? Well my friends that would be from the chronic illness that is currently sweeping the nation; taking down almost every female and a few males when it feels like a change of pace, overthinking. It is something that I have always suffered from, my mind moves at a million miles an hour, flitting from one thing to the next. Sometimes I have concocted whole, completely unbelievable, scenarios that play out like a movie in the space of a few minutes. We were burgled about a year ago, whilst we were in the house, and a whole six months later I set off out of the back door to walk Watson and by the time I had reached the car, this little two part series had taken place in my head.

As she (me) went to open the back gate a man with a beanie pulled low over his head barged through and stabbed the women three times, twice in the stomach and as she hunched over in agony, again in the back. Then, he ran off, his senseless act complete. She lay in a pool of her own blood, the gate banging back and forth against her stuck out leg as the wind blew, her dog whining and licking her face. She fumbled for her phone and just before the last ebb of energy stopped flowing through her body she pressed 999.

Why, six months later, did I decide to have a mini freak out in my mind? I couldn't tell you, that's just the way I am baby. Sometimes I like to think it's simply an overactive imagination. My boyfriend laughs at me on the odd occasion I decide to share my little screenplays, not really understanding how or why I create them, they keep him entertained at least. On this occasion it didn't affect my life in any way, I had the thought and then it passed. Sometimes however those niggly thoughts just don't go away and they are much more destructive. I can be bumping along this life train nicely when lightening stripes strikes and I am hit with a thought so unfounded it baffles even me. This thought will linger for a day, days, weeks, it will make me feel anxious, it will put me a bad mood, so much so those around me see the effects and it's all because of something I have made up, yes completely fabricated in my own mind. Other times it will simply stop me from doing something. I will have talked myself in circles thinking up every possible reason why I should or shouldn't do that thing to the point where the thing has passed and I've missed it. This I need to work on. Life today moves so quickly that if we do stop to smell the roses even we will have missed it, let alone stopping to overthink. We simply do not have the time and yet this is part of the problem. As we don't have the time to stop and take a breath, slow down and have minute our minds are constantly playing catch up. They are thinking of every possible outcome to come up with a solution ahead of time so as not to waste time when said made up problem happens. So on this Sunday gone I threw on this striped top for the fourth time that week with my shoes that never leave my feet and did nothing. We ambled, we ate, we fell asleep on the sofa watching Jurassic Park and we stumbled across a back street that was perfect for a couple of photos. No extensive planning, a spur of the moment happening that turned out to be one of my favourites. It was a day of rest, a day to regroup and switch off. A day to realise that there is life outside of social media, and life does indeed happen even if you don't take a photo of it.

The only problem with slowing down is the inevitable having to start back up again, when slowing down feels so good why do we insist on speeding through life?

4 comments

  1. Fab bag <3

    Federica
    www.federicadinardo.com

    ReplyDelete
  2. Oh I'm the same! I'm always making up scenarios in my head - I don't even realise I'm doing it half the time. I find a night in with a good book and comfort food followed by lots of sleep helps my mind.
    You look so lovely, this outfit is perfect laid-back chic!

    http://pollyrowan.com/

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  3. Such a cutely written blogpost!!

    It's funny how we can't stop our brains sometimes?! I'm totally like that - I'll start inventing this elaborate story in my head and freaking myself out when there's nothing really happening...

    I've been trying to be more present in the moment to try and slow down time and ignore my brain with all its fears and it's been helping!

    www.elleisforlove.com

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